MENY
I have never thought of myself as a bad person, someone with an eating disorder or someone who tries to change for the benefits of others. At least this is until Yesterday.
Yesterday my landlady came to me and said that she hasn’t seen me eat for weeks. I told her that I do eat. Then she told me that she could tell that I have lost a lot of weight since I moved here, and I said it was because of the workouts.
When I got back to my room, I thought about and realised that she is right. I only eat when someone else is paying for it, because I have so little money to live, I never eat when I am home because I don’t have any food in my fridge and when I get home I am too exhausted to cook anyways.
All my clothes are too big, and it’s not because I have lost weight by exercising, because I don’t exercise anymore, it’s because I don’t eat.
It might not sound that bad now when I know it’s a problem and that I need to do something about it, but what is bad is what I think about myself and the situation.
“I am broke, so if I can save some one and loos some fat at the same time, that is good right?”
Yep, that is what I have been thinking. I know it is not good, I have people telling me every day that I should be proud of my body, but still I want to look better.
So I don’t eat and I drink way too much. Things have to change and they have to change now.
Which is why, from now one. (when I get paid again that is) I need to eat at least twice a day, lunch and dinner. I need to stop drinking on work nights. And I need to go to the gym to stay fit and healthy not to lose more weight.
It’s going to take time but it will be better. And this time I am doing this for me, no one else !
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