MENY
To lose yourself is hard, but to find yourself is even harder!
When I was thirteen I told my parents that I was bisexual, not because I was attracted to both boys and girls, but because I didn’t really care. I thought all love was love even though I’ve never really felt it. That is seven years ago now. And along the way I’ve been trying to fit in, to be Normal, to be straight. I think that at some point I even thought I was straight. But today I’m not sure anymore.
To be honest I might even be gay.
The thing is with me now that I have moved away from home and not just to my own flat but to a new country. I can now think about myself and not think about being Normal around my friends, because here no one knows me.
It may sound like a good thing. Like a new start of something great, but I tell you it’s not. For weeks I have been near to bring myself to tears because I’m breaking down. A part of me still wants to be normal, but something tells me that I’m not. Because I haven’t felt love, love as in a good long sweet relationship, in like ever, when I meet new people that are nice to me, I get butterflies in my tummy like I’m falling in love. Not because I’m in love no because I feel happy. And this I feel with both boys and girls of course because anyone can be your friend.
But here’s the thing, if I ask myself on who I want, and then I want a girlfriend. But when I look into my future I see me and a husband. So I don’t know, maybe I’m the opposite of what a lot of girls are, they’re straight but want to experiment with girls.
What if I’m gay and want to experiment with boys?
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